The Right Motivation

It seems like when I was younger I was self-motivated.  If I wanted to do 1,000 sit-ups I would.  If I wanted to run, I would.  Now that I'm older and have more responsibilities, I'm just tired. 

Which is an excuse.

Last week on this Weight Watcher journey, I was having a hard time.  I was hungry 30 minutes after I ate.  So I ate.  And ate.  And ate.  It was the hardest week I've encountered yet.  I calculated my points and knew what I was shoveling into my mouth, so I count that a small victory. 

I actually maintained this week, so that's a good thing.

Neither of those things really motivated me to get back on track.  In all honesty, it was two hurtful comments by two people who are "friends."  In less than 24 hours, both, in their own way, told me how large I was compared to them.  I know I'm bigger than they are.  I have a feeling I always will be.

I realized something.  This journey isn't just about losing weight and fitting into that desired size of pants.  It's about being the best me I can be.  Not just physically, although this journey will shape that.  It's about being the best me relationally too.  I had snide comments to make to both of those people.  I'd be lying if I didn't say that I went home and cried a bit after they said it. 

I never want to be someone without compassion.  I never want to be someone who sees people in this world as fat or thin.  I want to be someone, no matter what size I am, to be accepting of everyone around me.  As I sit in these meetings every Monday, I'm surrounded by people just starting their journey or close to their goal or someone in between.  I don't see size, I see motivation.  These people have taken the step to come to meetings, to lose weight, to get healthy.  It's hard to admit you have extra pounds. 

Those people should be my motivation.  Not the ones who only see me as fat.

I'm starting to realize that Weight Watchers isn't about a diet, it's a community who is going through this journey with me.  Whether they know it or not, they've spoken volumes to my soul.